Wednesday, 12 August 2009

I cant face the gohonzon

I received my gohonzon last september after i had gotten out of a really traumatic break up. I really like the Philosophy of Nicheren Buddhism so that motivated me to chant once in a while. But the more i chanted to more my life went downhill. Everything seem to go wrong, i was like in quick sand.
Problems at work, school, home, family, friends, money. I became severely depressed were i developed and eating disoder. And the more i chanted to bigger my problems got.

Finally i left chicago and went to mexico. I chanted once in a big while over here. i was able to overcome alcoholism and manage to hold some control over my eating disorder. all this i did without chanting.

But the question is this. Everytime i study and/or practice Nicheren Buddhism i go back to the past were i dont want to be. Its like i open a door which should remain closed and locked. Everytime i looked at the gohonzon i think of my ex. it is an unbearable feeling. yesterday i rolled up my gohonzon and put all my reading materials in a bag ready to throw them up. Maybe by doing that i will see buddhism as a thing of the past just like my hardships i faced in chicago. I thought that by chanting things were suppose to get better not worse. I fought hard regardless of all the personal problems i was facing with myself. i ask you because i was just looking onyou tube and came across your page. i never really got involved with the sgi organization in chicago because i was going tru to much shit.
what do you think is the best thing to do? i chant but no good evercomes of it.


I said:::::

Hello Friend,

It sounds like you are going through a great suffering.

I am very surprised that you received a gohonzon after two weeks and you never recited gongyo.

It would be best if you learn a bit more about the faith, what it all means and what the gohonzon acctually is.

Watch my video about what the gohonzon is and how it works.

You have been on a downward spiral that ONLY YOU can get your self out of, but that means respecting your life.

You are only 20 and you have your whole life ahead of you, why let another person ruin your chance for happiness.

It sounds to me that her heart may have stayed with her ex, so it wasnt your fault or hers.

If you truely love someone, you want them to be happy, you dont want to possess them or own them.

By chanting to "get her back" you are invoking a sense of ownership over her, she chose to go the direction she did, and it wasnt your fault.

When I was 19, I was in exactly the same boat as you, I lost so much weight and i wanted to die, I was so in love, so I feel your pain my friend.

This is a wave you have to ride, but if you carry on chanting FOR YOUR OWN happiness and nothing more, you will SUCCEED! I PROMISE YOU!

but I would recommend you watch my video about the gohonzon and you start going to meetings and getting support.

YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS!

Dont let this girl ruin your life... it belongs to you!

Stand up, pick your self up, all the problems you are having are because your mind and emotions are clouded with grief.

Move on, she isnt worth it..

its going to take some time, but you will heal.

just chant... you dont need to use a gohonzon...

do it to a blank wall, but focus on the prayer and when your mind wonders

bring it back to the prayer of your happiness

peace
Robbie

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