Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Marriage is not a failed institution. The problem is with you, not with marriage.

People always say "Marriage is a failed insituation, what is the point in getting married? Why do you gays want to become part of something that is so out dated and pointless?"

Well what I would say is that there is nothing wrong with marriage, it isn't failed, it functions perfectly fine.

What has failed is communication between people. More marriages fail because the man or woman involved dont know how to speak to their partner, because as children they were never given the training by their parents in how to share their feelings.

The problem with marriage is our parents, and our parents parents and our parents parents parents.

We have to break this cycle, we have to train our children in compassion, in openness and in understanding.

We must teach our children that its ok to talk about our feelings that in doing this, we are not weak, but strong people.

A relationship survives as long as the other person knows without a shadow of a doubt that they still have a place in your life, a function.

If you hide it from them, if you lie to them, if you cheat on them you destroy everything you have built and created.

Though saying that, the biggest lies we tell are to our selves, so the change must begin within you.

Stop lying to your self, face the facts and be true to who you are, in the long run you will save your self and your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend a lot of pain.

I know from my years of Buddhist practice that the hardest thing in the world to do is look at your self, to really look. To see the faults and to be aware of them, to know that they need to change.

Its so easy to be single, to sit with your self and never every confront your issues, your "stuff".

Being in a marriage or a relationship is an opportunity to really confront these issues, as most of the time the other person will reflect back to you the things you dislike most about yourself. It is a unique opportunity to become more, to transform, or do your human revolution as we call it in Nichiren Buddhism.

Life is about choices, every single interaction with another person involves choices, how you choose to react to them, how you choose to behave. It is all a conscious choice.

So when you hear someone talking down about marriage, remind them that a marriage is just a place you go, its a space.

It is up to you what you do with it.

Trust, Openness and Honesty that is all we need to succeed.



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